First find decent coaches who accept women and know how to train them. I know, I know but yes there is still sexism, and there are idiots out there who will take your money and teach you nothing. So if you can say whether your East Coast or West Coast, I'll send you some more info.
Outside that I will tell you the exact thing I tell our male fighters.
this may be a little long but necessary
Yes I know your situation is "unique" somehow but
you're still a beginner start like everyone else
70% of fighters wrestled, you need to get on a wrestling team or find a club that accepts women, see earlier statement.
No you can't learn to be a champion from DVD's
Yes you should lift weights
no you probably don't need super special secret spetnatz ninja training program. 1 arm rows on a bosu ball isn't going to do anything for you.
That's like changing your hair color to make your legs
bigger. Don't get complicated unless you know what you're doing. 90% of us could improve leaps and bounds with a basic 5x5 program.
You should train at the place with the best
reputation, that has fighters it has produced (from
the ground up I might add), that fits into your budget
and travel arrangements. Just remember you get what
you pay for.
A lot of nice rich gyms try to make you think that
having a bunch of imported talent makes their gym
good. Being a good fighter does not necessarily make
you a good trainer. Turning out good fighters makes
you a good trainer.
Big John McCarthy's gym in Valencia, they have a smoothie bar inside. It's around 400/month. You don't need all that, some of the best fighters in the world are made in areas with a tin roof, a few pads, and some 20yr old bags.
Not knocking Big John, he's actually a really cool guy but keep perspective. While it's nice in theory you should be a great fighter with all those resources there. Until they produce some top tier talent they're just another gym.
Now if you go to Militech camp on the other hand. Geez, they make champs like it's no one's business.Props to Delagrotte's as well.
Cutting weight is a lot more than sitting in a sauna. Just focus on your training and getting your bodyfat down.
So main arts to work on wrestling, BJJ, and Muay Thai.